3 Rules for the Blind and Baffled

Colorado   Springs, CO

I spend a lot of time in the cobweb filled attic of my mind, poking around in dusty old boxes and trunks, looking for interesting stuff to write about.  Sometimes I find gold . . . others . . . nothing but junk.  Those are the days I can’t blind ‘em with brilliance so I wind up in the baffle with bullshit camp.  You know: The next door neighbor’s orangutan got loose and broke into our house and tore the place apart while I was at church services helping take up the collection and clean up the church afterwards.  Oh yeah, I helped a couple of old ladies get across the street on my way home, so Icouldn’t get my homework assignment done.

First rule of Bafflement:


Face it, everyone knows you’re baffling . . . but if you’re creative enough to get a laugh out of a person in authority, you stand a better chance of leniency.

The second rule:


It’s how pretty women talk themselves out of speeding tickets:  Why officer I am so, so, sorry if I was a teeny-tiny bit over the speed limit.  I certainly didn’t mean to be.  I won’t ever let it happen again and  . . . MY GOODNESS!  That’s a big powerful motorcycle you’ve got there.  How do you ever control a monster like that . . .

The purpose of acting innocent is to plant doubt in the mind of your AF (Authority Figure).  It’s best to keep the wide-eyed look and if you’re able to squeeze out a tear or two, so much the better.

The third and last rule of Bafflement:


It’s important to keep your wide-eyed look intact here and ask your AF.  How can I make it right?

That one was given to me one rainy night in a bar in Atlantic City, New Jersey by a professional baffler . . . a man who makes a living baffling people with BS, using his skinniving skills to buy low and sell high.

Hey, thanks for sticking it out, if you’re still reading.  Next week I’ll do my best to bring you a nugget.  I promise . . .